To begin, I currently live with my boyfriend and his parents, and we have been together for about a year and five months. We have a strong friendship and rarely have any major arguments, except for one recurring topic that keeps coming up – his mother, whom I’ll refer to as MIL.
MIL frequently makes rude and offensive comments towards me. She has called me names like “fat cow,” “piggy,” and even mocked me about my weight when my boyfriend and I were weighing ourselves out of curiosity. These comments are uncalled for and hurtful.
I have never given her a reason to dislike me. I pay my rent every month, purchase my own sanitary products, and take care of my own expenses except for food. Despite being a college student and working, I still contribute to the household chores, doing tasks such as vacuuming, washing dishes, and doing laundry. Additionally, I always keep my boyfriend’s room clean and tidy.
My boyfriend and I have discussed MIL’s comments. At first, he dismissed them as jokes, but as they became more frequent and personal, he began to recognize their impact and now supports me by calling her out when she crosses the line. I have never reacted negatively to her behavior, but I am unsure of what has prompted her to act this way towards me. One disturbing comment she made was, “He’s mine until marriage, he’s all mine. Even his brother agrees that until marriage, he belongs to me and no one else.” It was completely unprovoked, as my boyfriend and I were simply discussing our day in the kitchen.
MIL often asks about my work schedule and follows up with comments like, “We can do this when she’s at work,” directed at my boyfriend, which makes me feel excluded. She also made sure that every step of my boyfriend’s university application process coincided with my work hours.
In the entire time I have lived here, I have received only about three expressions of gratitude for my help around the house and for ensuring everything is tidy before she arrives home. Whenever we go somewhere together, MIL always positions herself between my boyfriend and me, literally cutting me off while walking to be next to him. She dislikes it when we show affection, so we keep it minimal when others are present. She invades my boyfriend’s personal space, putting her hands too close to his private areas. She feels the need to involve herself in every decision and plan we make. Every Saturday, when she’s at work, she asks about our plans. MIL complains about her own belly being “fat” and then proceeds to comment on my weight, despite me being a slim person at 5’4″.
Whenever I talk about something related to my boyfriend, she insists that she knows him the best and interrupts our conversations, competing for his attention. Even when we are playfully teasing each other, such as tickling, she comes up and touches him inappropriately close to his private areas and tickles him. Her lack of boundaries and inappropriate behavior towards him are deeply unsettling, and I cannot tolerate it any longer.
I am reaching a breaking point where I am considering leaving the relationship or establishing firm boundaries. However, my boyfriend refuses to engage in a conversation without accusing me of hating his mother and shutting down the discussion.