I have a 4-year-old and a 2-month-old baby. After taking a couple of weeks off when our son was born, I mainly focused on taking care of our toddler. I work from home, juggling a busy job across four different time zones. Since returning to work, my daily routine starts early. I wake up at 6 am, and our toddler is up at 7 am sharp. I prepare his breakfast and spend time with him until I begin work around 8 am. However, I’m facing challenges because my partner tends to sleep in until 9 am. She has been up throughout the night feeding the baby, and although I’ve offered to help, she prefers handling it herself.
During the day, it often feels like our toddler spends most of his time watching TV while my partner takes care of the baby or rests. I struggle to manage Zoom calls while our toddler constantly interrupts, wanting to play because mommy is occupied with the baby. When my workday ends, I take charge of preparing dinner for everyone. We take turns giving our toddler a bath, and then my partner disappears into his room to comfort him until he falls asleep while I look after the baby.
By the time she emerges from our toddler’s room, she goes to exercise and take a shower. It’s usually around 9 or 9:30 pm when she finishes. We watch some TV together before going to bed. What you may have noticed is that I never mentioned finding time for myself to shower or exercise. I have no downtime whatsoever. The only way I can accomplish anything for myself is if I have a brief break during my workday or finish early.
Today, everything reached a breaking point, and I snapped a little. We had a difficult night with our toddler, but I still woke up at 6 am, worked a full day, went grocery shopping when I finished a bit early, prepared dinner, took care of the baby while my partner dealt with our whining toddler, cleaned up after dinner, and then held the baby for two hours while he wouldn’t sleep, while she took time to exercise and shower. I expressed my frustration, telling her that she needs to do more and that I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the family on my shoulders. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t go over well.
So, I guess after this long explanation, my question is: Am I being unreasonable? Is it wrong to expect my partner to contribute more? She plans to reduce her work hours when she returns next month, and I’m concerned that I’ll have to pick up the slack without any reduction in my responsibilities at home. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read through this and provide insight.