My partner, call him Alex, and I have been in a relationship for nine years. He has a female friend, let’s call her Lucy. The history here is that he has known Lucy since primary school. Their families grew up in the same neighborhood and are still living close to each other. Lucy is married and a mother of three. She stays at home with the kids.
Now, let’s get into this. Lucy sends texts and video calls Alex ALL THE TIME. In the beginning, I asked him if they had ever been a couple, he said no. I asked why she calls so much. He told me that her kids have been dealing with some health problems so she doesn’t really get out of the house much and after the pandemic hit, she became even more secluded. I figured that the constant calls and texts were just due to boredom and isolation.
Fast forward to our wedding two years later. We invited Lucy. She didn’t respond to the RSVP so Alex contacted her but she still didn’t respond. She then reappeared after about two months as if nothing happened. Odd, given that she considers Alex her best friend. This is where I began to suspect she may have feelings for Alex.
Whenever Lucy calls, texts, or video calls, Alex would respond even when I’m around. When I met her, she knew quite a lot about me and even said, “I promise I’m not a stalker, I just know a lot.” When she looks at Alex, I sense she’s smitten.
A few days ago, Lucy was discussing her marital problems with Alex. In my view, discussing your relationship issues with other people, especially of the opposite sex, is not a good idea. From what I could tell, it seemed like her husband wasn’t giving her much attention, which is probably because she spends a lot of time calling, texting, and video calling Alex. I advised Alex that she was heading down a risky path.
Recently, Alex came home from his job as a firefighter and told me that Lucy had suggested coming to visit him at his station with her kids. This would have involved a four-hour round trip in a rather unsavory part of the city, just for a 30-minute visit. He also mentioned that she had baked cookies for him and his crew. She tried to guilt-trip him but he told her he had training.
At this point, I felt she overstepped a boundary. I have male friends, but I don’t constantly call, text, or video call them. I would also never consider visiting them at work or baking for them.
I’ve never had issues with Lucy before, but this felt over the line. I expressed my concerns to Alex and he agreed that it was unusual. If the roles were reversed, he would find it very strange that I was making a four-hour round trip for a brief visit, while having a partner at home.
I’m not sure how to handle this. I’ve always seen Lucy’s behavior as the result of loneliness, but after her recent attempt to visit Alex at work, I’m not comfortable. We talked about it and I expressed my suspicions that she might have a crush on Alex. He thinks she’s just a very kind person. Am I wrong? This is strange, right?
In an ideal situation, I’d prefer if Alex stopped talking to her. As this is all new, I’m quite frustrated and tempted to take drastic action. But I don’t know how to proceed, given their family’s long-standing friendship.