My husband and I have been married for twenty eight years. The last couple of years, however, have been a bit rough. He didn’t do anything for our twenty-eighth anniversary, which occurred last week. He was on a holiday out of town. I could add more issues, but that’s for another day. Recently, he’s been kind of detached. We haven’t made love in about six months, and he doesn’t really engage in any serious conversations with me. He does, however, converse with his female acquaintances. I don’t believe he’s cheating, but his actions make me feel lesser.
At the moment, we’re residing at his mother’s place in a different city. His mother is suffering from memory loss, and I’ve been aiding her with medication and other stuff. It’s tough because she’s extremely critical of me while my husband can never do anything wrong, according to her. It’s always been like this. But I understand she doesn’t recall much, so I bear with it and treat her with kindness.
His stepfather passed away not long ago, and they are attempting to sell his automobile. This morning, he was having breakfast with his mom, and I was at home. He messaged me, asking me to empty his stepfather’s car since someone was coming to inspect it. He didn’t mention where to place the belongings. I did as he requested, relocating the stuff to an extra bedroom. There were numerous jackets, shoes, hats, and so on.
He returned from his pleasant breakfast outing and inquired about where I put the items because they might donate them. When I told him, he asked, “how does that simplify disposing of them?” – a plan he hadn’t communicated to me. I responded, “I was merely trying to assist. I didn’t know what to do with the items, you can still where they go. Also, don’t belittle me, you’ve been doing that quite frequently.” He just stared at me, silent. I couldn’t tell if he felt remorse. Then I said, “I’m not a moron, stop treating me like one.” He responded with something along the lines of “Well, maybe you are a moron,” and stormed out.
I felt deeply hurt. He hasn’t apologized or attempted to reconcile. I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder since he came back.
I’m aware that my remarks like that agitate him, but I say them because, in all honesty, he sometimes makes me feel stupid. For instance, I warned him a month ago that his mother was showing signs of Alzheimer’s or a similar dementia. As a nurse, I work with dementia patients regularly. I lost my own mother to the disease. He responded, “Her doctor mentioned it’s just short-term memory loss, and I trust a doctor more than a nurse.” When I reminded him of that comment recently, he denied ever saying it. And the very next day, his mother was diagnosed with mild dementia by the doctor. He never acknowledged my accuracy or apologized for making me feel ignorant. He does this quite often.
Was it wrong for me to say, “I’m not a moron”? I mean, I suppose he didn’t call me one until I said that. But it still stung, a lot.
In a nutshell…after asking my husband to stop belittling me because I’m not a moron, he retorted, “Well, maybe you ARE a moron.”