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I’m Disengaging and Will Now Treat Myself Like a Single Parent, Focusing on My Life, Hobbies, and Passions.

Little did I realize how circumstances can change and reveal different aspects of your partner. My husband was amazing before we started a family together. He was incredible when our first child was a newborn. During that time, I spent a week in bed while he took care of everything, changing diapers and managing all the tasks. However, as our child grew older, he became more distracted with work and began to neglect his responsibilities at home. The situation deteriorated over time. Recently, we had our second child, and his behavior towards me and our kids has been downright awful. You can check my post history if you want to know the details of that distressing story.

Every clueless person on Reddit seems to suggest, “Just leave him,” as if it were that simple. In the comments of my previous post, I was downvoted for pointing out that casually walking away is not so easy when you have two children under the age of two, a shared homestead, and intertwined finances. I have been deeply in love with this person for many years, and I have always been completely devoted to him. I envisioned spending our lives together. Now, however, I’m only beginning to realize how unacceptable his behavior can be. I don’t have family or a support network nearby. My daughter is absolutely enamored with her daddy and is happy and thriving. Ending our relationship would devastate her. I know this because I’ve been through a divorce before, and it was the most brutal and agonizing experience for both my children and me. We’re all still in therapy trying to heal from that trauma. I can’t help but wonder if these “just leave him” people have ever witnessed the exorbitant costs, emotional turmoil, and destruction that accompany “just leaving,” especially when children are involved. Furthermore, it’s a well-known fact that men are more likely to become abusive when their partner attempts to leave, and already abusive men are most likely to resort to violence, even murder, at that point. It infuriates me how nonchalant this site can be about divorce, particularly when children are at stake.

I genuinely made an effort to choose better this time around. And on the whole, I did. However, apparently it wasn’t good enough. You simply can’t foresee everything in advance.

Now, I find myself disengaging from the relationship. I have been a single parent before, so I am treating myself as one now. My husband and I still get along well and remain friends. We enjoy regular family game nights and dinners together. But apart from that, I am focusing on myself, my life, my hobbies, and my passions. Dates and sleeping together are no longer a part of my life unless or until he decides to seek therapy and starts from scratch to court me, going above and beyond to prove the kind of spouse and partner he aspires to be. I don’t care if he has relationships with other people. My priority is my children and myself, and he has become my roommate.

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