My mother-in-law (MIL) and sister-in-law (SIL) live in a different state and they constantly guilt trip us about visiting them. Let me provide some context: we are currently in the process of buying a new house in another state, and my husband is working three jobs to help save for the down payment. On top of that, I am dealing with some serious health issues that require multiple doctor and therapy appointments each week. Since my diagnosis, my mental health has been suffering as well.
Whenever my MIL visits our city for work, we make an effort to go out to eat with her. A few months ago, she expressed her desire for us to visit SIL more frequently. We explained that we would love to, but our focus is on saving for the down payment and we have very busy schedules.
Then, about a month ago, during one of my MIL’s visits, she mentioned that “SIL wants to know how many more life-changing events she needs to go through before you visit.” This statement was prompted by the fact that my SIL has recently experienced a series of unfortunate events: she had a baby, discovered her husband had been cheating on her for a year, got a divorce, and found out the other woman is six months pregnant. We keep hearing phrases like “you haven’t even met your niece yet!” on repeat. While I sympathize with my SIL’s situation, it feels manipulative and pushy to emotionally tie our visit to these events. It has left a sour taste in my mouth.
Two weeks ago, my MIL visited again and asked if there was “absolutely any possibility” that we could visit SIL before we move. My husband remained silent, and I spoke up, saying, “We would love to, but it would be very stressful for us.” MIL expressed understanding and did not bring it up again.
Three days ago, I came home to find out that my SIL is planning to visit us for Memorial Day weekend and intends to stay in our guest bedroom, which I use as my home office. This arrangement was not presented as a choice; it was imposed on us. MIL is paying for the plane tickets and will be babysitting the niece we haven’t even had the chance to meet (despite being guilt-tripped about it repeatedly). I am upset and feel like our boundaries are being completely disregarded. I tried discussing my concerns with my husband, but he only sees it as me not wanting his family to visit. He believes I am being unreasonable. On the other hand, I feel that their insistence on visiting after we’ve said “no” multiple times, coupled with the fact that our guest bedroom serves as my office and we are already in the process of packing and preparing to move, is inappropriate and adds unnecessary stress to our lives. Am I overreacting?