Yesterday, my ex-boyfriend (33M) and I (28F) ended breaking up our relationship after almost three months, and it was a rollercoaster ride from the start. In the beginning, he was a true gentleman, showering me with attention and affection, making me feel special. However, he often expressed feelings of insecurity, claiming that I deserved better and questioning why I chose him.
He admitted to having jealousy issues, which I understood and tried to support him through. But as time went on, his anger towards his own life started to manifest in extreme ways. He felt inadequate due to his financial situation, and I reassured him that I loved him for who he was, not his money.
The first breakup came out of nowhere, much like the coming fit of rage, triggered by a casual conversation about me considering working at a bar. Although he had mentioned having negative experiences with dating bartenders in the past, I didn’t think it would be a dealbreaker, especially after I assured him I didn’t need to pursue that job. But it was enough to end our relationship abruptly, leaving me confused and hurt.
After two days of silence, he reached out, and despite my mixed emotions, I still loved him and decided to give our relationship another chance. However, he had already displayed unpredictable behavior by randomly ignoring me, leaving me feeling anxious and on edge. His inconsistency was becoming a pattern.
To be fair, I wasn’t perfect either, but his extreme jealousy started to affect me. I constantly reassured him, invested time and money in our relationship, and even bought him a thoughtful birthday gift. Yet, his trust in me seemed unattainable, and his anger only intensified over time.
He had female friends from work whom he distanced himself from after we started dating, but I knew they still maintained contact. Meanwhile, he discouraged me from having male friends, fueling my own suspicions. Our relationship became strained, and arguments ensued. Whenever I shared my concerns calmly, he would explode, while I always tried to soothe his insecurities when he felt jealous.
One incident that stood out was his irrational reaction to me wanting to attend my high school reunion with my girlfriends. He accused me of wanting to flirt with other guys, which hurt deeply since I was committed to our relationship and had even invited him to join. I made an effort to be present for him, cleaning and cooking at his place while he was at work.
His jealousy took increasingly absurd forms. Once, he bought a pack of toothbrushes, forgot about it due to his frequent marijuana use, and later questioned if another guy had been at his place when he was away. He frequently asked if I was seeing someone else, leaving me in a constant state of unease. It felt like he was gradually eroding my self-esteem. Our arguments escalated over trivial matters, and I noticed my appetite fading away.
In our final week together, my emotional state deteriorated even further. During a wing dinner, I could barely eat, and he accused me of secretly doing drugs, looking at me with disgust. He brought up the topic of me wanting to work at a bar again, claiming it revealed something negative about me, even though I had already changed my mind.
Ultimately, our relationship reached its breaking point when my mom wanted to accompany me to a concert, and I didn’t initially invite him. He expressed concerns about me dancing with other guys, so I bought him a ticket to reassure him. However, when I innocently asked if he wanted to come for fun or other reasons, he misinterpreted it as an argument and declared that he needed a weekend alone. Exhausted and feeling awful, I decided to take his request literally and told him I was going home for the weekend.
In a fit of rage, he broke up with me, claiming that I was ruining his vibe and that he had been trying to love me. He had threatened to end the relationship before, but this time, I chose not to plead and instead agreed with his decision.
He blocked me on all communication channels and returned my belongings the same night, severing ties completely.
Now, I question whether I made mistakes in this relationship, but deep down, I know that the extreme jealousy and paranoia consumed us both.
TL;DR: Our relationship ended due to my ex-boyfriend’s intense jealousy and mistrust. He accused me of wanting other men, and I, too, became paranoid and insecure. It was a toxic cycle that ultimately led to our breakup.