I apologize for the lengthy background, but it’s necessary for you to understand my question. My extended family has been excessively involved in our personal lives for quite some time now.
It all began when my spouse and I purchased our home. They insisted on meddling in the negotiation process, demanding weekly updates on the closing proceedings. When we encountered delays due to numerous issues, my mother-in-law made it clear that she was struggling to resist taking control of the entire process. This made me feel inadequate and as though she believed she could handle it better than me.
Once we finally closed on the house, we embarked on renovations. My mother-in-law wanted to have a say in every aspect of the remodeling. While she offered suggestions, she would relentlessly push us to follow her ideas. In fact, she took it upon herself to oversee the renovation of our kitchen, measuring everything and making plans without our input. I suppose it was somewhat helpful, but I had been looking forward to doing it with my husband, and she took that opportunity away from us.
To my surprise, they even went so far as to hire contractors for our home without consulting us. I understand that they were trying to be helpful, but it felt like a breach of boundaries to have contractors working on our property without our consent. My husband saw it as free upgrades for our house, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was an overstep.
Now that I’m expecting a baby, my mother-in-law constantly tells me what I should and shouldn’t do with my child. She insists on weekly visits and casually mentions that she might just “drop by” if she feels she’s not seeing the baby enough. She constantly emphasizes the importance of grandchildren having a strong bond with their grandparents, and it strikes me as odd. While I acknowledge that she will be involved in our child’s life, I believe her expectations are excessive.
That’s a brief overview of the background. Now, for the interesting part: when we purchased our house, they attempted to buy the property next door without informing us. Fortunately, the deal fell through. However, that very same house recently went back on the market, and once again, they considered buying it. Thankfully, that fell through as well. We have expressed to them that we don’t think it’s healthy for us to live so close to each other. Personally, I strongly dislike the idea, whereas my husband seems indifferent, which puts me in a difficult position. Now, there’s a house available about five doors down from us, and I suspect my husband informed them about it because they are now considering buying it. Five houses down. Less than a mile away.
I’m infuriated, feeling as though my desires and emotional well-being are being disregarded. My in-laws have a habit of crossing boundaries, and I honestly don’t have the best relationship with my mother-in-law. She may try to act kind and helpful, but in reality, she comes across as a controlling know-it-all who believes her way is always the best. She constantly criticizes us and other family members, to the point that my brother-in-law and sister-in-law don’t even speak to her. She becomes agitated if we go a week without seeing her and already has plans to have my baby spend the night at her house. Soon, she will be retiring and she has no friends or hobbies. If she moves so close to us, she will drive me insane.
I informed my husband that if they cross this boundary and buy the house, we will either move or I will significantly reduce contact with them. Needless to say, my husband is not pleased with me now, so I’m being cast as the villain. Should I simply endure this situation? I’m at a loss for what to do. I fear that this situation will ultimately strain my relationship and I’m genuinely scared.
The frustration and anxiety I feel right now are overwhelming. It seems as though my concerns and emotional well-being are being dismissed. I’m caught in a difficult position where I’m being labeled as the problem for asserting my boundaries. But is it fair to ask me to sacrifice my peace of mind and compromise my mental health just to avoid conflict?