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When my boyfriend gets angry, he retreats to his bedroom and is silent for 3 days. How can I help him?

I have been in a relationship with my partner for two years, and I love him more than anyone else in the world. However, there is one issue that has become a major problem. Most of the time, he is loving, kind, and attentive to my needs. But there are days when he gets into a bad mood over minor things and completely shuts down.

It could be something as small as dropping food on the floor or his puppy trying to play when he’s not in the mood. Suddenly, he stops talking and retreats to the bedroom, sometimes drinking until he passes out. When I try to communicate with him, he either ignores me or becomes defensive. This silent treatment lasts for days, and it hurts me deeply because all I want to do is help.

There are days when I don’t even see him because he isolates himself in the bedroom. It feels like I’m dealing with two different people, and I never know which version of him I will get. Before we moved in together, he was the perfect man I fell in love with, and this issue never surfaced. He has been to therapy for minor depression resulting from past family losses, but he claims there’s nothing more serious going on.

Regardless of the cause, it’s incredibly hurtful and confusing to be constantly punished for something that has nothing to do with me. I end up crying and sleeping on the couch because I know he wants nothing to do with me during those moments. I’m left to take care of all the responsibilities, including the pets, while dealing with my own anxiety and medical issues.

I desperately need guidance on how to handle this situation when he refuses to talk about it. If I try to discuss it, he blames me for starting a fight and says I’m impossible to deal with. It’s disheartening because he has a psychology degree, and I expect him to be open to a simple conversation. Is this something I should tolerate? Is there any way to make him understand how much this is hurting me and our relationship?

I love him deeply and envision a future together, but I can’t spend my life this way without hope for a solution. I appreciate any advice or insights you can offer.

TL;DR: My partner retreats to the bedroom, refuses to interact, and sometimes gets drunk when he’s in a bad mood. He becomes combative or shuts down when I try to talk to him. I want to work through this, but I feel stuck and need guidance.

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